Christmas 2013

Oliver and I had a great Christmas full of fun, food, and family.
The Sunday before Christmas, we had dinner at Papa and Keiki's house (my maternal grandparents), and had a wonderful time.
Laynee and Greyson had to go back home to Connecticut on Christmas Eve, so we opened all our presents the day before Christmas Eve.
Then on Christmas Day, we had dinner and opened gifts at my other Grandma's house.

This was my first Christmas living on my own (with Oliver), but I have to say, it was pretty great. I thought it would be sad being the only person to wake up and watch Oliver open presents on Christmas morning, but my parents came down the street to be with us. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful family, and to be so close to them. I'd say this year's Christmas was a success.

Moving (on)

Well, we just finished the second move of the year. By we, I mean Oliver and me. Just the two of us.

After 2 years of marriage, Fernando decided it was time to call it quits. I'm not really sure what to say about it, because I'm not really sure how or what I'm feeling right now. I guess it's kind of a mixture of sadness and relief. Fear of being alone, but excitement for what the future may now bring. Being a single parent is not something I ever imagined I would be doing (although I'm sure very few people actually set out to be single parents), but I have to admit, I kind of like it just being the two of us. It's only been two weeks, but I feel like the bond between Oliver and myself is already getting stronger. I can't call on Fernando to fix him some juice or change his diaper, so I have no excuse to be a lazy mommy. And it's nice to be able to come home and not have someone constantly yelling at you, or complaining about what you did or didn't do. Sure, I have to pay all my bills alone now, but I still feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I was lucky in that the duplex at the end of the street I grew up on opened up the weekend I wanted to move. I am only a few houses down from my parents, and the other six families on the street are people I grew up with. I am surrounded by friends and family, and I couldn't ask to be in a better place.

Oliver is adjusting very well to the new place. He loves to be able to walk or ride his tricycle right down the street to see Grandaddy and Yaya. And he actually has a yard for the first time!

He still asks for his daddy sometimes, which breaks my heart, because I'm not exactly sure how to explain it to him. But thankfully, Fernando and I are on good terms, and he still sees Oliver regularly.

Since I've been on my own, I've been very inspired to get back into the things I like to do, one of which being this blog. I also signed up for a couple of online classes at the community college. I still have no idea what I want to go for, but hey, it's a start. It feels good to be able to focus on myself and my son for a change, instead of always having to put up with the stress my relationship put on my. I finally feel like I can breathe again.

 



 

 Greyson and Oliver love hanging out in the new backyard :)

Thanksgiving in Seminary, MS

I know I haven't blogged in forever, and I know it's a little late to be blogging about Thanksgiving, but I have had a lot going on recently, which I will explain in a later post.

Laynee and Greyson are in town! They've been visiting for over a month, and we still don't know when she is going back. Last week, we took a trip up to Seminary, Mississippi to have Thanksgiving with the family. It is a cute and quiet little town, and it's where my grandmother was born. When we were little, we would go up to visit my great grandparents, run around the yard, and watch the trains go by. When my great grandparents passed, my great aunt moved into the house, and she has since redone it, and it is adorably old-fashioned. I love it. We had lunch with everyone I haven't seen in years, and reminisced on all the memories we shared in that house.

 

 

(P.S. Please ignore Oliver's silly homemade haircut and too-small coat.)

Sad Days

                This week has been one of the saddest weeks that I can remember. On Tuesday, I lost a dear friend, and the world lost a wonderful woman. After 17 months of fighting, cancer finally won the battle against our sweet Ina. We all knew it was coming, although that really doesn’t make it any easier.

 But as sad as it is, I think we all feel a sense of relief.

The hurt is over.

All the pain, struggle, worry, and false hope. There won’t be anymore. We won’t all have to wonder if a new kind of chemo will work, and we won’t have to be disappointed when it doesn’t. There won’t be any more bad news. 

She was ready to go. And it is comforting to know that she is finally at peace.

I worked with Ina for only seven months, but in that time she taught me a lot. Her positive attitude and upbeat spirit always amazed me. She knew she did not have much time left, yet she never let her fear show.

She was a woman who loved her job. As the president of our company put it yesterday at Ina’s “Celebration of Life Gathering,” it was the job she was made to do. She came in every morning at 6:30 to make coffee and be sure everything was neat and tidy and ready for the day, even though the office didn’t open until 8:00. And she never wanted to take a vacation. There was no place she would rather be. It is inspirational to know someone who absolutely loves what she does for a living. I hope that one day I might find a career which brings me as much joy as Ina’s brought her for 32 years.

                If anything, I have definitely learned to cherish my days here on Earth. Cancer is a horrible and tragic disease. It doesn’t always matter how healthy you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, short or tall, fat or skinny. It doesn’t matter how good of a person you were. It just shows up one day and flips your whole world upside down. And a lot of times, there’s nothing you can do about it.

                But maybe it is true that everything happens for a reason. And Ina’s life, though brief, was beautiful. She touched a lot of people and put smiles on the faces of so many. I know everyone at work is going to miss her so very much. I remember how she told my boss “You’ve gotta hire this one,” on the day of my interview, or how she greeted me every morning with a “Hey friend!” or how she liked to talk about all the good food she loved to eat. Or her bright blue nail polish. 

One of the many things I loved about Ina was that she was so easy to talk to. I felt like I could tell her anything, and she would really listen, and truly care. And when she talked, you wanted to listen. Even when she was telling of troubles in her life, she did so in a way that didn’t make you feel sorry for her, but instead made you admire her strength to knock down anything that stood in her way. So she could ultimately find her happiness.

And I think she found it. She found it in her work, in her friendships, and in her family. Oh, she loved her family. Her husband, John, made her so happy, and she loved her children and grandchildren so much. And you can’t forget her dog, Mr. Bailey. Ina was so full of love for everyone around her, just as everyone else was for her.    

I may not have known her for very long, but I feel so blessed to have had the time with her that I did.

                She was just such a loving and caring person. And I know everyone only has nice things to say about someone after they die, but I truly never had a bad word to say about her when she was alive, either. She was just an all-around wonderful person. And it isn’t fair for her to be taken away from us so soon. But I guess God wanted her up there with him. And as much as I know she would love to be at work right now, I know she is going to have a great time up there. Maybe God will give her a seat at the front desk of Heaven and little sign that says “Director of First Impressions” and she will welcome everyone with her sweet smile. 

I am so thankful that there finally will be no more suffering. 

She is flying with the angels.

Director of First Impressions

Why the fuck does cancer exist?
I mean, what is the point?
And why is it that I have to meet and befriend one of the sweetest people I've ever known, only to find out that she is dying of lung cancer?
Cancer is bullshit, man.
I don't really know what to say, but I know she is ready to go. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. None of us are. I've only known her for six months. Some of the people I work with have been good friends with her for 30+ years. We are not ready to let her go.
I swear I just keep thinking I'm gonna walk in the door to the office one day and she'll be sitting there, just like she always is. And she'll say "Hey, friend!" Just like she always does.
And how is it that people can be so strong?
How is it that someone who knows they are so close to death can be so positive?
I've never seen her sad. I've never heard her complain or fret or want anyone to feel sorry for her.
She has been so strong.
It is amazing. I admire her strength and faith more than anything, because these are precisely the two things I would have the very least of in her situation.
No, I haven't known her long, but I love her and I'm glad Oliver had the chance to meet her and I really hope that God lets us keep her at least a little bit longer.

Easter Weekend and Spring Photos

Easter weekend really wasn't much to speak of. On Sunday, Oliver and I dyed a few eggs with Natalie and then we went to my mom's for dinner. (I'm still eating leftover ham...)

Saturday, we went to Portrait Innovations and had some Spring pictures taken of Oliver. When we arrived to the studio, he was knocked out. We had to wake him up to take pictures, so he looks half asleep in the first few pictures. After that, we couldn't get him to sit still. But I still think they turned out pretty good.

Oliver is getting to be so funny. If you tell him he's cute (which I do, a lot) he says "I knooooow." (Emily taught him that.) He is also starting to tell people he's cute. (In case they couldn't tell :P)
He is also getting sweeter by the day. He says "I love you" now, which makes me melt. He also gives the BEST kisses.

I kind of wish we'd done an easter egg hunt or something, but I still think he is a little young to enjoy it. I (sometimes) can't wait for him to be old enough to enjoy things like that, and opening gifts on Christmas morning, etc.

Anyway, here's some of his Spring pictures!

On Diabetes

In January of 2011, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. My diagnosis came after being very sick for almost two months, just hoping it would go away.
I was living on the third floor at the time, and I could barely make it up the stairs. I kept going to school and work every day, even though I felt terrible, but I had to have water with me at all times because my mouth was so dry that if I wasn't constantly drinking I would gag or get sick.
I can remember lying on the couch on New Year's Eve under a blanket with a trash can next to me, while Fernando and his friends celebrated and welcomed the new year.
If I had to use the restroom, Fernando had to help me walk the 15 feet from the couch to the bathroom. Even with his help, I would be out of breath by the time I reached the door. I even had to shower sitting down because I didn't have the strength to stand up.
In the two weeks prior to being diagnosed, I lost about 20 pounds (of muscle).
Fernando kept telling me I needed to see a doctor, but I kept saying No, I've just got a little bug, it'll go away soon.
But it didn't go away.
One Sunday, I woke up feeling worse than ever. I forced myself to get out of bed and go to work, anyway. (I had never called in before and didn't want to start.)
I could barely hold myself up as I tried to prepare the food at work. My vision blurred as I tried to read the tickets. All of a sudden, I burst into tears. My manager noticed and asked if I was alright. I told him I didn't think so. He took over making the food and told me to go sit in the back. I finally ended up calling my boss and going home. That's when I decided it was time to see a doctor.
The next morning, my mom picked me up and took me to the doctor's office.
Once I was in the room, the nurse tested my blood sugar.
589.
At the time, I had no idea what that meant, but I knew it was serious when the nurse told me I needed to go immediately to the hospital.
My mom drove me to the hospital, where they registered me, gave me a bracelet, and wheeled me to a bed in the Intensive Care Unit.
The next few days are kind of a blur. Nurse after nurse, needles, IV's, hourly blood testing.
For the first few days, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. I slept a lot and watched TV and never left the bed.
After 3 days in ICU, I got a real room. They began to give me carb-controlled meals and showed me how to give myself insulin injections. I met with an endocrinologist, a nutritionist, and a diabetes educator.
I had lots of visitors and received lots of cards and flowers. Everyone was so nice. But I kept thinking (and hoping) it was all a dream, and that I would soon wake up and be okay.
It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that this is not going to go away.
I can manage my blood sugars and eat right and take care of myself, but I will always have diabetes. I will always have to see a doctor ever few months, test my blood sugar regularly, and take insulin injections four times a day.
Since my diagnosis, I have had to make some major changes in my life. I had to cut out regular sodas and sugary and carb-filled snacks (not completely, but for the most part).  I still don't eat as healthy as I should, which is something I really need to work on.
Having diabetes has changed my life, but I am not letting it ruin my life. There are times when it gets tough, when I feel my blood sugar drop and I start sweating and my hands are shaking and Oliver is crying and I feel helpless. Or when I'm at the grocery store and I start getting hot and my vision blurs and I know I need to sit down and take some insulin.
And it's not always east to sneak an injection in my stomach when I'm out eating with friends.
Being someone who has always been terribly afraid of needles, this hasn't been the easiest thing for me. In fact, it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. And I still have a long way to go. But it gets easier every day.

Las Palmas

Tonight, Fernando, Oliver and I discovered a new little restaurant in Gulfport called Las Palmas. They serve all kinda of Latin food, from Mexican to Cuban to South American. I ordered the "Ropa Vieja,"which sort of reminded me of pot roast, but better. It also came with rice and beans and fried plantains on the side. The owners and servers were also extremely helpful and sweet. It was a great experience, and we will definitely be going back.

My Latest Endeavor

I had been thinking for a while about trying my hand at selling Mary Kay cosmetics, so when a coworker approached me last week and said she thought I should do it, I decided to go for it.
I ordered my starter kit and will (hopefully) get it today. So far, I have a few orders lined up, and I am very excited about the possibility of making a little extra money on the side, as well as selling products that I love. Wish me luck!

Forever 21 Haul

I ordered a bunch of jewelry and a scarf from Forever 21 last week and I felt the need to show it off.

(Sorry for the crappy picture quality)

I LOVE Forever 21. They have the cutest stuff for such low prices (I got all of this for about $60 bucks). I won't say it's the best quality; I have to return the shimmering flower studs (left,middle) because they are missing a stone. But hey, for $3.80 I'm not gonna complain (that much).
I honestly think I'm addicted to buying earrings. I have so many and I always want to buy more. 
I'm also always on the lookout for cute bracelets to hide my tattoos at work.

But anyway, another weekend has come to an end. Tomorrow is Monday, and I have a feeling I'm going to have another busy week. Hopefully it will be better than last week (crosses fingers).

Au Revoir

Well, they're gone. :'(
I'm not sure if it has completely sunk in yet since it's only been a day, but I'm really starting to miss them already.
My mom and I were talking about taking a trip up to visit them and to see NYC at the end of May. I really hope it works out because it would be something great to look forward to (if I can afford it).

It's really funny how happy (some of) these photos look, because I'm pretty sure this was the saddest day of my life.

Going Away

Well, I guess I can't deny it anymore. My sister and nephew are really leaving. :'(
I don't think it's really hit me yet that she really won't be here. We haven't been away from each other for more than a few days as long as she's been alive. Now she'll be 1,400 miles away. I won't be able to drive down the street just to hang out. There won't be anymore lunch dates with the babies or visits to Papa and Keiki's house or riding around in the van.
I guess it's just a part of growing up, but it's painful.
I'm not just losing my sister. I'm losing my best friend.
And Oliver is losing his best friend and cousin, too. I'm heartbroken that they won't grow up together and be as close as I was with my sisters. I wanted Greyson and Oliver to play together and go to school together and be best friends. Now I'm worried they will hardly know each other.
But I'm sorry for the sad depressing post. I really just wanted to say that we had a little going away party at my grandma's house today. It was good to have everyone together for one last time before they leave.

A Day with Keli and Julia

Today, Oliver and I were visited by Keli, her niece, and her daughter, Julia.
Oliver was so excited to have another little one to play with.
I cut and dyed Keli's hair (I hope you like it!) while her niece played with the babies.

I liked this one for some reason, I think it's the eyelashes.

true love ;)

Later on, Fernando, Oliver, and I went to my grandparents' house for dinner to celebrate my grandma's birthday. I love spending time with my grandparents. I am so lucky to still have both of them, and to live so close that I can visit them often. 

My grandma always cooks the best food, and tells the best stories.

For some strange and stupid reason, I didn't bring my camera to dinner. :(

Settling In

We've finally moved all of our things to the new apartment, and are starting to settle in. Most of our stuff is still in boxes, which I am (slowly but surely) unpacking. Emily is still staying with us until her house is finished being redone, which means Oliver is sleeping in our room. Which means he doesn't want to sleep. At. All.  Which means mommy and baby are not always in the best of moods.

I am excited to finally be in the new apartment, but this week has been extremely stressful and I have hardly gotten any sleep. Hopefully I can catch up on some rest and work on unpacking everything this weekend.

We are also currently lacking a sofa. Our old sofa was in such bad shape, we decided not to bring it to the new place. You know what that means- furniture shopping!

Here are a few photos of how the apartment is looking now. I'll get some better ones once everything is unpacked.

Peanut Butter & Llamas

Notice Oliver sleeping in his carseat.

In other news, my mom asked Oliver's babysitter, Mrs. Janice, if he bullies other kids at her house (because he pushes my nephew around when they are together, even though Greyson is twice his size). Mrs. Janice said he beats up on all the other kids, and that he likes to knock them down and lay on top of them so that they can't get up. I just find it hilarious, considering Oliver is the youngest and smallest one there. I think he just gets so excited he can't handle it, so he goes a little crazy!